This has been a wild week, and it isn't even Friday.  Two weeks ago, we decided to stop receiving TSS services for Nathan.  I hadn't had any particular issues with the TSS, I just felt Nathan didn't really need it, and it was becoming intrusive to have a relative stranger in our house 5-6 hours every weekday.  Tomorrow will be our last day of TSS services.

A week ago, we tried to wean Nathan down from one of his medications.  The prescribing doctor approved the reduction, and gave us instructions in case it impacted his sleep.  It did impact his sleep.  It also impacted his mood.  On Tuesday, without any warning his mood changed from his usual impulsive, headstrong, but generally cheerful to angry and panicky.  He would lash out without warning.  He bit his hands dozens of times.  I was afraid to let him more than arms length away for fear he would break something.  None of the strategies I had used over the Summer seemed to work, and I began to flash back to last Winter.  We decided to increase his medication again.

Wednesday, Nathan was better, but not back to normal.  The panic seemed to be there lurking under the surface, but never quite emerging.  He seemed dull and distracted.

This morning, he was up before 5:00.  He was punchy and distractable a lot of the time.  Often when I would talk to him, I felt my words weren't getting through.  I would try again in writing, and he could process the written words, where spoken words couldn't get through.

Once the other two boys were off to school, I took Nathan for a walk.  I figured I had about an hour before his TSS arrived, but as we headed out I received a text that she had an appointment, and wouldn't arrive until noon.  On a whim I decided to take him to our town's reservoir, a 5 mile hike.

We just happened to arrive as the water authority staff were finishing their morning inspection.  They offered to take us on a mini tour of the facilities.  The reservoir is essentially a giant in-ground pool, covered by a stainless steel dome.  It is 80 feet across, and over 12 feet deep.  Skylights let a little light in, and in the dim light it seems slightly surreal.  I learned from the experience, and I'm sure Nathan did as well.  I'm also convinced the exercise helps him to regulate his body.

This week has given me cause to reflect on our decision to end TSS services, and I still think we are doing the right thing.  Tuesday, when Nathan was panicky and irritable, his TSS wasn't scheduled until noon, and I was able to take him on an extra walk.  Once she arrived, guidelines from her agency, prevented her from doing anything really useful, and the paperwork she is required to produce kept us tethered to the house.  This morning, had she been here, we would have missed a learning opportunity, since she is not up to the strenuous hike to the reservoir.

I'm not sorry we are ending TSS services.  I'm looking forward to having some privacy in my own home again.  I'm looking forward to being able to take Nathan for a walk whenever he seems to need it.  I'm looking forward to catching learning opportunities when they present themselves, and not having to wait on paperwork.  Winter is coming, and things may get crazy, but I think I'm ready.

Spectrumom's DH, Paul


  1. Ah meds. fickle bitches they are. I miss our super-fabulous TSS but I think we did the right thing by cancelling it, too. Sometimes it's just the right thing to do.


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