One more little thing

As a homeschooler, one of Nathan's lifeskills/OT/chores is the laundry. Putting it in the washer, hanging it out and sorting it. His TSS helps with this chore. Since I am out of the house and my husband is the stay-at-home parent/teacher I don't think about it all that much.

But today I was talking to Nathan's TSS about shopping and I mentioned my Betsy Johnson bra.

"Oh, you mean that black one with the polka dots?"

Yeah. That's the one I meant.

And that statement has bothered me all day.

It's not that I'm ashamed of the bra. Most of my underwear is in good shape. Although I'm pretty sure I'll be throwing out any shabby looking ones pdq.

It's just that it is one more part of my life that is not mine.

I don't go around showing off my undies. Even though I hang them out, I tend to hang a bra between two jeans. You know, so I can pretend it doesn't stand out too much.

I'm a haphazard housekeeper who, every few months goes on a tear and upsets the whole family and leaves my husband nearly in tears.

But in between? I work 50-70 hours per week and my husband is the full time caretaker of a kid who has to be kept in a controlled environment and still watched very closely. So, other than some minor downstairs cleaning, not much goes on here.

And people know this about me. Professional people. And I don't know what their houses look like. For all I know they're lazy slobs. But in my fevered mind they keep immaculate homes while doing amazing things with their lives. Which I don't have time or energy to do.

Mostly you share your slobbiness with friends and family. You know all their short comings and can rationalize your own in comparison.

But autism forces me to show my shortcomings and lacks with total strangers. My lack of patience. My laziness. And my underwear.

It's just one more thing autism has taken away.

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