Showing posts from March, 2014

I'm Fucking Autism Aware Already, TYVM

Autism awareness month descends on us, as it has descended on us every April for the last 14 years (I assume we had autism awareness month back when Sam was first diagnosed.  I was too caught up in the anxiety of the time to notice.)  Scores of pictures of cute little kids will cross my Facebook feed.  People will call me and email me asking if I've seen the latest treatment, cure, information.

And frankly, I'm most irritated.

Nathan has been having a very bad time.  And, while we've had med reactions, and blamed it on colds or stomach bugs, the fact remains that he never seems to return to a pleasant baseline anymore.  He spends his day rotating between near lethargy and aggression.   We had to restrain him yesterday because he was trying to hit and bite us.  He hit Sam on Sunday, his BSC on Monday, and his little brother Tuesday as we were telling him that Nathan was calm and unlikely to hit.  My husband says that on average he is at an excellent level of emotional state…

The More Things Change. Sam is 16.

Sam turned 16 this month.  I feel like I should have something profound and deep to say about the progress he's made, my fears for the future, blah, blah blah.

What I have is a series of vignettes.

1.  Back when he was about 9, Sam asked when he could drive.  Thinking it was so far in the future I couldn't imagine it, I said "16."  He never forgot.  And brought it up over and over.  As 16 loomed closer and closer, I started telling Sam that it was not likely he would drive.  His attention cannot stay focused outside the thoughts in his head.  He may drive someday.  But someday wasn't coming fast enough.

On his birthday I told him "Happy Birthday!"  He smiled, and then it faded.  "My brain has not developed enough for me to drive."  I see his classmates going for their learner's permits.  And it is a small knife in my gut.

2.  Sam had a paper due for history.  I've been at a meeting and very busy with work.  His dad and TSS had told me…