Cure Vs Change
I was reading this blog by a special ed teacher about the ongoing controversy of cure versus acceptance. I've blogged before about this topic.
Here was my reply to this post.
I come at this from both sides. I have 3 kids on spectrum. My oldest and youngest are moderately and mildly affected, respectively. I love how they are (most of the time.) I feel no desire to change them into something else, only to help them along the path they are on. They are growing and becoming fascinating people. They have things they need to learn to cope with, more than some others.
My middle son is a different story. At 11 he is severely affected by autism. Home schooled because he couldn’t learn in our local school. Bipolar, with rages that break things, hurt himself and others. I want a change. I work every day for a change. We medicate him to help control the intense anger and sadness that run and ruin his life. I want for him what my others have. I want a chance. A chance for real communication, a chance for independence, a chance for happiness.
And yes, I want a chance for us as parents. Is that selfish? I want a chance to be independent from my kids once in a while. To not have things that I value broken irreparably. A chance to spend time with my husband. A chance to go off and do my own thing occasionally without the intense guilt of knowing that he is the only one who can and will take care of them.
Here was my reply to this post.
I come at this from both sides. I have 3 kids on spectrum. My oldest and youngest are moderately and mildly affected, respectively. I love how they are (most of the time.) I feel no desire to change them into something else, only to help them along the path they are on. They are growing and becoming fascinating people. They have things they need to learn to cope with, more than some others.
My middle son is a different story. At 11 he is severely affected by autism. Home schooled because he couldn’t learn in our local school. Bipolar, with rages that break things, hurt himself and others. I want a change. I work every day for a change. We medicate him to help control the intense anger and sadness that run and ruin his life. I want for him what my others have. I want a chance. A chance for real communication, a chance for independence, a chance for happiness.
And yes, I want a chance for us as parents. Is that selfish? I want a chance to be independent from my kids once in a while. To not have things that I value broken irreparably. A chance to spend time with my husband. A chance to go off and do my own thing occasionally without the intense guilt of knowing that he is the only one who can and will take care of them.
I have two sons with fairly severe autism, and I think I'm on a middle road, too. We did lots of ABA, I dabbled with probiotics and supplements. I tend to side more with the neurodiversity crowd. But I would give anything if my sons understood danger/traffic/deep water, or to get them to stop eating dirt, leaves, hand sanitizer and such. I don't want them to stop being autistic, but I want to be able to sit down and not think every second about how to keep them alive.
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