I Eat My Stress

I admit it - I eat my stress.  I always have.  And I hate those people who say "I always lose weight when I'm stressed.  I just don't know what to do!" 

Because, let's face it, society loves thin people.  And the thinner you get, the more people love you.  If you get super thin, people say how worried they are about you.  But the fatter you get the more people blame you for your weight.  The more I blame myself for my weight.  If only I had more self-control and weren't such a slob.

I actually had a male client at my workplace say "You've gained weight, haven't you?  A lot of people feel better if they lose weight."  Really?  Yes, I had weighed myself that morning and had gained 10 pounds.  So, thanks for rubbing salt in that wound.

And while things with Nathan are just now starting to improve, I continue to feel anxious and depressed rotating with feeling okay. 

So, I started back on Weight Watchers online.  I started exercising.  I got a exercise coach consult. 

And I got results!  I gained a pound and gave myself plantar fasciitis. 

Luckily I can still bike so long as I don't have to push my way up steep hills. 

But now I feel fat, slobby and frustrated. 

I played with anorexia for a while when I was in university.  I was never very good at it.  But it gave me a sense of control.  I still toy with the idea and even Googled 'adult anorexia' the other day.  I wouldn't do it.  I like eating and I'm pretty attached to it.  But I would like to feel more in control of my life. 

And I guess that's what it boils down to.  Having control.  Even over just the things I think I should have control over.  Like my eating.  I tell myself and others that moving is not just about weight, because exercise alone will never control weight.  It is about being healthy.  And I do believe that.

But I sure wish that my fat would take a hike.

Comments

  1. Yep, I'm a stress eater, too! While my kids are at a good point now, there is still stress -- face it there is ALWAYS stress! The one thing I have found that always works for me is a hobby. Whatever I am "into" at the moment. If I just pick that up every time I get stressed it helps so much. Good luck with the weight, the PF (yep, had that too!) and the autistic kiddos!

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