Taking a break on my husband's dime

I've made no bones about this parenting 3 kids with autism being a easy row to how.  To mix my metaphors.  It's hard on both of us.

I was telling my husband the other day that I had a crazy person moment.  I was just teetering on the edge of frustration, depression, and auttie kid stim overload.  And I had the kids in the car taking them away from him so he could do his thing-ride his bicycle for miles and miles up and down mountains.

I got this idea in my head that I just wanted to keep going.  I thought 'I'll take them to Baltimore.  And we'll visit the aquarium.  And then we'll leave and we'll just drive.  Drive and drive and maybe never stop.'  It was like those thoughts you get when you're standing on top of a cliff and a little part of your brain says 'Jump!  Why not?'  Except a lot stronger.

I mean, crazy, right?  3 autistic kids and me, who is dangling by a fucking thread, going on a road trip like fucking Thelma and Louise.

But something stopped me.  Guess what it was!  Duty?  Work?  Love of my husband who would lose his mind?  Worry about my kids?  Coming to my senses?


I didn't have Nathan's pills.

And I thought, "FUCK!  Next time I'm losing my mind, I should bring Nathan's pills."  Really.

So, I'm telling my husband about my unstable thoughts, and he says "You know, you can take a break, even overnight, any time you want."

Which is super tempting, right?  Except I look at him, after spending the summer break days with ALL three kids, who rev each other into a super frenzy.  Get on each other's LAST.  FUCKING.  NERVE.

And I think "Suck it up, Buttercup."  Who am I to complain?  Because we're doing this together.  We have each other's back.

As long as I can go to work, I can stay sane.  Somewhat.  And I know that he doesn't have that small piece of escape where sometimes I see lives that are more fucked up, or at least fucked up in different ways.

So, I'm just sucking it up.

Until I have the excuse of a meeting.  Then I am SO out of here.  Because, hell, I have to get my educational units, right?


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