Enough Butt-hurt to go Around

I've been reading some BS on the webs about how some parents of kids with autism have some butt-hurt because they don't have the kids they wanted. And from the way it's worded, it sounds like it's most of us.
So I wanted to put it out there what I'm butt-hurt about.
I'm hurt that my kid hurts himself.
I'm hurt that he hurts others.
I'm hurt that other people, both peers and adults (HELLOOOOO asshole teachers) bully my child and think he is less than respect-able.
I'm hurt that people assume my kids are not able because they have a difference.
I'm hurt that their lives will be limited by that, in some way. And already have been (like not invited to their class parties, hmmm?)
I'm hurt that my kids are not always able to speak for themselves.
I'm hurt that my kids cannot choose for themselves.
And, I'll admit to some butt-hurt that my life is often difficult because I put my kids' needs ahead of my own (I really, really miss sleep. And time with my husband and friends.)
But mostly I'm hurt because there are some autistics out there who, because they are not just like Nathan, assume they have a different kind of autism. Something more special. That Nathan is very different because he has a disorder wholly separate from them.
I'm here to tell them that he shares the same parents of boys just like them. Boys who are autistic but who found their voice. Boys who self advocate. Boys who go to school and get bullied, but find their way in the world.  Just like those people.
And I'm here to tell them that, but for dumb luck and the way genes combine and epigenetics and who knows what else, there go those same people.
I'm NOT butt-hurt that autism is a part of our lives.  Autism can introduce us to so many things.  Autism forces us to grow in so many ways.  It expands our minds and flexes our thinking.  
But, sometimes, autism sucks.  It just does.  It sucks for people who have autism, and it sucks for the people who love them.  Sometimes autism isn't all Star Wars and LOTR and Harry Potter and needing sensory breaks and a few accommodations.  Sometimes it's a lot more. 
And, sometimes, that sort of autism needs acknowledged and accepted by the other kind.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I'm Just Not That Sorry for You

I am sick of apologizing to you for autism. I have spent years saying things like "I'm sorry you were disturbed, he has autism." "I'm sorry you were offended my little boy took his swim shorts down and your grandaughter saw his butt." "I'm sorry your dinner was disturbed by his loud humming." "I'm sorry you were subjected to an hour of talking about Nintendo and gambling." The fact is, I just don't give a fuck about you anymore. I'm done feeling sorry for you. Probably because I'm too busy feeling sorry for myself. Or, more honestly, I'm just not giving a rat's ass about you and your feelings anymore. Because for every scream during dinner, every irritating hum, every repetitive comment on Nintendo, I've had a thousand. And frankly, I'm not the asshole that you are now for complaining to me about it. You were bothered at dinner for maybe 45 minutes. You were bothered for a three hour
Read more

It's All In Your Mind

After weeks of severe behaviors, Paul and I have a bit of PTSD. Every outbreak of behavior seems to trigger the feeling of "OMG, here we go again." A couple days of screaming and biting (admittedly hours every day, but still not as bad as the end of December/first several weeks of January) and we were ready to call the doctor about more meds. Today is a little better. Hell, I was in a store a week ago and heard a child scream and broke out in a cold sweat. I almost started running to him. It wasn't my child. I was there alone. We are still in reaction mode, control mode. But still, in relative terms this week is not so bad (although no one who doesn't have a challenging child would see it this way.) But both my husband and I are still on edge. Waiting for the other shoe to drop. Not wanting to do what we did last time, and progress beyond the first levels of autism/bipolar hell before we do something, anything. So when this started two days ago, we immediatel
Read more

Bully Parents

This is not a post about parents bullying kids, although there are certainly some who do. This is about parents bullying each other, specifically online. This is about replying to someone's comment, tweet, post, blog, whatever and being a absolute ass.  Actual statements to me online in the past few days.  "You must be a terrible parent if you feel that way." "Only a horrible person would say that about their child." "Using XYZ therapy is child abuse." "I have seen XYZ therapy and it was cruel." "You must hate your children if you don't like the Holland poem." Usually from people who have no idea who the hell I am. It is very intimidating to put myself out there, even in the limited way that I have, because:    1.  I don't like conflict in any form.    2.  I don't like to be criticized.    3.  I already have tons of self-doubts.    4.  I already criticize myself enough, tyvm.    5.  Criticism on
Read more