Enough Butt-hurt to go Around
I've been reading some BS on the webs about how some parents of kids with autism have some butt-hurt because they don't have the kids they wanted. And from the way it's worded, it sounds like it's most of us.
So I wanted to put it out there what I'm butt-hurt about.
I'm hurt that my kid hurts himself.
I'm hurt that he hurts others.
I'm hurt that other people, both peers and adults (HELLOOOOO asshole teachers) bully my child and think he is less than respect-able.
I'm hurt that people assume my kids are not able because they have a difference.
I'm hurt that their lives will be limited by that, in some way. And already have been (like not invited to their class parties, hmmm?)
I'm hurt that my kids are not always able to speak for themselves.
I'm hurt that my kids cannot choose for themselves.
And, I'll admit to some butt-hurt that my life is often difficult because I put my kids' needs ahead of my own (I really, really miss sleep. And time with my husband and friends.)
But mostly I'm hurt because there are some autistics out there who, because they are not just like Nathan, assume they have a different kind of autism. Something more special. That Nathan is very different because he has a disorder wholly separate from them.
I'm here to tell them that he shares the same parents of boys just like them. Boys who are autistic but who found their voice. Boys who self advocate. Boys who go to school and get bullied, but find their way in the world. Just like those people.
And I'm here to tell them that, but for dumb luck and the way genes combine and epigenetics and who knows what else, there go those same people.
I'm NOT butt-hurt that autism is a part of our lives. Autism can introduce us to so many things. Autism forces us to grow in so many ways. It expands our minds and flexes our thinking.
But, sometimes, autism sucks. It just does. It sucks for people who have autism, and it sucks for the people who love them. Sometimes autism isn't all Star Wars and LOTR and Harry Potter and needing sensory breaks and a few accommodations. Sometimes it's a lot more.
And, sometimes, that sort of autism needs acknowledged and accepted by the other kind.