What I wanted to be when I grew up, a Welfare Queen

I decided as a small child that when I grew up I wanted to be a Welfare Queen.  Influenced probably by my mother, who had us on Welfare after she and dad divorced, I quickly knew that was what I wanted out of life.  However, my mom didn't have the staying power, and caved in to get her RN and then become a CRNA.

In spite of her failure, that medical exposure made me set my sights even higher.  I wanted to be a DOCTOR while still using the welfare system.  It took some real doing.

First, I became as nerdy as I could possibly be.  The better to attract other nerds.  Then, instead of going into English, I chose math.  Unfortunately, I didn't have the aptitude to do computers, physics or engineering, but it put me in close contact with these extremely nerdy folks.  It was obvious that many of them had Autism spectrum disorders, even though I was not aware of the term at the time.

Finally, I met the nerd for me.  He was cute and smart and moderately nerdy.  I was a little concerned that he might not be nerdy enough.  However, once I met his family, I knew the nerd gene was there strong enough.  The genes this family carried were obviously tainted by Autism and would play right into my plans.

I waited until I was nearly 30, the better to have damaged genes in my very old ovaries to enable myself to have disabled children.  Also, I wanted to make sure that I had the doctor thing firmly under my belt.  What if my first child had been so disabled that it interfered with my education?  That would never do.  Then I would become a dropout Welfare user, just like all those other loser parents of disabled kids.

Imagine my ecstasy when not one, not two, but ALL THREE of my kids were boys and all turned out to be on spectrum.  I was all set to feed off the system.

Then came the Republican domination of the Pennsylvania state government.  The crimp in my plans, blast them!  Limitations on services.  Cuts to the educational system  A co-pay based on income.  Based on our income and the services we receive, we could easily pay out over $5000 per year, perhaps even up to $15,000 if the cap is per child, in addition to the $6000 we already pay in co-pays on our primary insurance.

However, on the bright side?  If our kids and kids like ours don't receive services due to the financial hardships, they will be dependent on the welfare system forever.  BWAHAHAHAHA!


  1. HaHa! Well done! So true!
    Only another lazy, disabled-child-parenting welfare queen would understand :)
    I wonder how many families this policy blunder WILL push to be more dependent on the state.


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