spectrumom

The Buddha taught that life is a series of losses.  It is only when we accept that things are never permanent and stop our grasping reach at what is actually shifting fog in front of us that we can actually be happy.  Our ideas of what should be and what could be ensure that we are constantly disappointed.  And our self-talk about how awful it is that things are not the way we think they should be is what causes us to suffer. This seems pretty straight-forward.  Until I try to apply it to my own life. Life in general provides frequent reminders of how grasping we are.  How we long for permanence. How more so the life with autism. Autism is a constant reminder that I wish things were different.  My older son's experiences with bullying.  His troubles with adapting to his brothers' needs.  The rigidity that complicates every day.  My middle son's anger and sadness.  His inability to communicate even after 11 years.  His destruction of our house and aggression towards

 We have 3 boys.  Our 14yo has moderate autism, 11yo has severe autism with bipolar features, 6yo is our token Aspie with a lot of ADHD. When everyone in the family has autism, sibling issues take on new flavors.  Not only is there sibling rivalry, but when you don't read social cues you don't stop picking and inciting.  And when your brother has severe autism, but because of your own autism you don't fully comprehend, it becomes ugly.  You don't recognize danger cues.  You incite danger without realizing, or because you have too much difficulty switching plans.  That is mostly our Aspie.  A whirling dervish.  But endangering himself more than others. Because you are not social, and you don't have the skills to be fully independent, there is no escaping the house of torture. There are 2 brothers who do things continuously to aggravate your own sensory issues.  And invade your treasured personal space.  Even if you have no comprehension of the personal space of o