spectrumom

'You are so strong.' As if I had a choice. As if letting my kids drift into adulthood without fighting for their rights and their future was an option. I have been strong for 17 years.  Plus 14 years.  Plus 9 years. Unless you subtract the times I wasn't. The times when I hated myself for how I parented. The times I steal for myself. The times I am lazy. The times I don't really like my kids. The times I am an asshole to my kids. Those times are probably counted at time and a half. I think I must have a negative balance.

With the commonplace use of the 'triple test' we have become a society of eugenicists.  The test that gives warning of an increased risk of Down Syndrome and neural tube defects (spina bifida) is supposed to allow us to plan.  I rarely hear of anyone using it to plan, but instead hear people say "If it's positive, I'll have an abortion." I am pro-choice.  I will fiercely defend the right of a woman to decide when she wishes to carry a pregnancy, and when she doesn't.  If she would have chosen to not have gotten pregnant in the first place, she has the right to choose not to carry the pregnancy. Also, I cannot know all of the reasons that go into termination.  Perhaps she already has as much as she can handle, or perhaps she would be in danger if she had a child with a disability. But the most common use of the triple test, to have a 'perfect' child, is a symptom of a larger problem in society:               -The fear of...

Dear Dr A I'm not sure if you remember us. I expect you are very busy denying lots of requests at the end of the year.  It is such a pattern for your agency that I'm pretty sure you must earn a bonus. Use it wisely!  So, anyway, I'll remind you about us. We requested eight weeks of an extra ten hours per week to help our 16 year old son with autism adjust to his first year of high school, and his first year of cyber school. We explained that he hadn't been able to school at home because of his brother, who is more affected by autism. So we made all the accommodations we could. I took him to my office. I help him between work and after. I love helping him with algebra, since that is my personal favorite. But explaining metaphors and racism in ways he can begin to understand is a huge joy to me.  It made all the loss of personal time worth it. But he was still having trouble. His live lessons are in the morning, when I am busiest at work. In case you don't understand ...

All parents have an idea of the traditions they will pass on to their kids.  The excitement leading up to Christmas and opening presents.  The trick or treating and getting to as many houses as you can in your allotted time.  The chasing across a field to get as many eggs as you can, maybe get a special egg that wins a prize.  Watching fire works on the Fourth.  Going on picnics in the summer and sledding in the winter.  Bonfires and Haunted houses in the fall.  So many fun things we did as kids that we can't wait to share with our kids. And then our kids are born.  And they don't even vaguely fit into the mold we imagined.  They are overwhelmed by crowds and changes in routines.  They can't envision the future and aren't excitedly enjoying the holiday buildup.  They hate any clothes but comfy ones.  Dress up pictures and costumes are out.  They don't want to or can't say "Trick or Treat" and don't understand going...

***** We are going to level 1 grievance to request that the TSS (therapeutic support staff) hours be increased. We had asked previously and were denied. Thus, the grievance. No one from CCBH showed up to the first meeting. They read the report and denied it. Now they are calling it in on a phone conference. If we had wanted an in-person meeting (of course we WANTED it) we would have had to drive almost 2 hours. I fully expect we will have to go to level 2 and bring a lawyer. This just REALLY aggravates me. But here is the report we will read. ****** Sam is in the ninth grade.  This year he began to attend cyber school for the first time. Our reasons for entering him in cyber school are varied, but include: increased ability to work on executive functioning skills.  His assistance at school was so patchwork - aides, TSS and, at times, nothing - that essential information was not getting home in time for us to work with him on building the skills that wil...

I've been reading some BS on the webs about how some parents of kids with autism have some butt-hurt because they don't have the kids they wanted. And from the way it's worded, it sounds like it's most of us. So I wanted to put it out there what I'm butt-hurt about. I'm hurt that my kid hurts himself. I'm hurt that he hurts others. I'm hurt that other people, both peers and adults (HELLOOOOO asshole teachers) bully my child and think he is less than respect-able. I'm hurt that people assume my kids are not able because they have a difference. I'm hurt that their lives will be limited by that, in some way. And already have been (like not invited to their class parties, hmmm?) I'm hurt that my kids are not always able to speak for themselves. I'm hurt that my kids cannot choose for themselves. And, I'll admit to some butt-hurt that my life is often difficult because I put my kids' needs ahead of my own (I really,...

I touch my penis for different reaons. I touch it when I pee and when I wipe it off. I touch it when I take a bath. If I rub my penis to make it feel good, that is called masturbation. Sometimes when i masturbate, white sticky stuff comes out of my penis. That is called ejaculation. Masturbation is normal and nearly everyone does it. It is alright to mastubate. But there are rules. 1.  Mastubation is private. I should only do it in my bedroom or in the bathtub.  When I touch my penis, that is something I keep others from seeing by doing it in a room by myself. 2.  I try to keep my clothes and other things from getting messy from the sticky stuff called ejaculate.  I can use a tissue or a washcloth to catch the ejaculate that comes out. If I have pants and underwear on, I take them off before I ejaculate.  After I ejaculate I put the tissue in the trash or the washcloth in the laundry.  3.  Masturbation should only be done once or twice a day.  I s...