spectrumom

At some point, when our children are infants, we can imagine what it is like to lose control and harm them.  The vast majority of us never do.  But we can see losing our temper, being so sleep deprived and stressed that we hurt them. When we see stories of people who do such horrid things, we are shocked and appalled.  But a little voice in the back of our heads says "If the circumstances were right, who is to say I wouldn't do such a horrid thing?" It is like standing on the edge of a cliff and realizing you might jump.  But you never do. Some of those children grow into a diagnosis of autism or other difference.  Sometimes this includes severe sleep issues.  Sometimes self-injurious behaviors.  Sometimes aggression. Sometimes we can imagine losing control and hurting them.  The vast majority of us never do. When we see stories of people who do such horrid things, we are shocked and appalled.  But that little voice in the back of o...

Every time an autistic child is deliberately killed by a parent (known as filicide, committed usually a mother) there are usually 2 polarized reactions that I see in the autistic community.  The first is a chorus of parents saying "Don't judge.  Parenting is hard.  The situation was hard."  The opposing is to say "Autism is NEVER a reason to murder a child." And it isn't a reason.  But there are many parents who murder their children, often in a murder/suicide attempt, whose children do NOT have autism.  And I thought 'What do these people share in common?'  Because there must be commonality there.   And perhaps we are having the wrong discussion.  Instead of asking about the children's characteristics, perhaps we should be addressing the perpetrators' characteristics.  And then formulating a plan to address them.  We discuss primarily mothers because they are the most likely to be the primary caregivers and males murder/suic...