spectrumom

At some point, when our children are infants, we can imagine what it is like to lose control and harm them.  The vast majority of us never do.  But we can see losing our temper, being so sleep deprived and stressed that we hurt them. When we see stories of people who do such horrid things, we are shocked and appalled.  But a little voice in the back of our heads says "If the circumstances were right, who is to say I wouldn't do such a horrid thing?" It is like standing on the edge of a cliff and realizing you might jump.  But you never do. Some of those children grow into a diagnosis of autism or other difference.  Sometimes this includes severe sleep issues.  Sometimes self-injurious behaviors.  Sometimes aggression. Sometimes we can imagine losing control and hurting them.  The vast majority of us never do. When we see stories of people who do such horrid things, we are shocked and appalled.  But that little voice in the back of o...

When I was a resident I would see parents of severely disabled kids come through our clinics. Wheelchairs or walkers. Or severely MR (that's what we called it then, instead of ID.). I'm sure some of those kids had autism, even though that word wasn't really on my radar then.  But I never really wondered about their personal lives. How were their marriages?  How often did/could they have sex?  Did they ever get a weekend alone?  Did they have friends?  Did they have friends that 'got it?'. How did they handle thoughts and worries about the future?  Did they ever wonder if they would have a life that didn't involve changing diapers and feeding tubes and fighting the government for new wheelchairs and appropriate placements?  How much guilt did they have about their inability to fix things? Or for their part in causing their child's disability?  How many 'What ifs' did they have?  How did they handle ignorant schmucks like me who didn't have a c...